


The worst in me

by Blouggie



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Attempted Sex, Binge Drinking, F/F, Hate to Love, Jasper is half-healed from her corruption, Neck Kissing, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Kissing, The crystal gems are kinda the enemies?, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-11 13:39:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11715513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blouggie/pseuds/Blouggie
Summary: Will a true love's kiss fix it? No. It will only make it worse.When the electricity goes out to the whole entire area the Crystal Gems are busy fixing the problem. While that is happening, Lapis is asked to watch over Jasper..





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story and I decided to make it Jaspis. I took some inspiration in @Vosueh 's stories, they are so good and left me emotionally marked lmao. I'm not really good in descriptions so I hope it still finds interesting enough.
> 
> I always take my inspirations in books/chapters in songs. In this case it was 'Worst in me' by Julia Micheals. 
> 
> Btw this is not a "chapter" ,it's just the introduction to make up for the bad description.

_**Introduction** _

The electricity was not working and for some reason they had trusted her in staying with the beta brute. Discarding all the hurt and nightmares they both caused to one another, it was a living hell having to experience such deadly silence. It almost made the ocean gem shed a tear ,but when it came to the Quartz the absence of her voice obtained a shiver from her cantaloupe skin.

When her blue eyes suddenly desired to glance at her past fusion partner, she had discovered that some bright yellow eyes had already been placed over her form. Lapis turned her head, slightly blushing at the fact that they made eye contact for the first time since they've seperated from the almighty Malachite (also counting the week she has half-healed from her corruption).

 A part of her felt so tingly. Tingly good. The butterflies in her stomach grew wild and the blue gem felt guilty about it, she also felt so vulnerable.--Hugging herself tightly and pretending to continue to read the book over an old and dusty desk Peridot had found.

Lapis squirmed in her old office chair, bottom lip being bitten by her own teeth. Her heart pounded in her chest and she was worried that Jasper could hear it all the way from where she was from. Not so far away, the mentioned gem released a shaky sigh in order to get rid of the aching in her chest.

Or..maybe it was to catch her attention. It was not exaggerated nor fake, just genuine enough to make the blue gem even more nervous than she already was. Her eyes read the paragraphs on the chapter, but her mind was fixed on the big Quartz, she knew later on that she would need to re-read the whole page again. 

Lapis tilted her head discretely and pretended to read from the bottom left corner of the page, but really she wanted a faint view from the big gem. She has seen how her form is drastically modified by her not-so-fully healed corruption. Malachite colored horns rise from the top of her head, just as well as malachite colored stains that seemed to be the base of some spikes around her arms. And still, her eyes remained the same yellow color that lets the ocean gem know who she really is.

A brute. Lapis wants to convince herself that that is all she is, but she knows that she's not  _only_ that. 

Her heart stopped when she knew Jasper discovered she was subliminally looking at her, her foot took a step forward, then the other followed it. Jasper was approaching her and all she knew in that moment was to shrink into herself and stare squarely at the paper underneath her.

 _"What does she want..?"_  Lapis asked herself inside her head. Her tongue not finding a comfortable position inside her mouth and forehead so sweaty that anyone could see their reflection on it.

A hand with thick and Malachite colored fingers grabbed the edge of the chair, turned her to face Jasper's huge frame. The small lamp on the desk wouldn't shine so much, but Lapis could outline her silhouette like she was meant for it. Her yellow eyes nearly matched the flames inside the four glass walls, but there was no intensity in them, no anger in them, no menacing meaning inside her gaze. In fact, she could read no emotion in them, maybe because her own were aghast and slowly surfacing on her features.

Lapis' blue and tiny hands were found gripping on the armrest as if her life depended on it, back resting on the backrest but as stiff as it will ever be. Jasper has never seen her so afraid before, only when she was holding her up in the air by her tiny hand a year ago.

Their eyes locked, like the sun kissing the ocean before they whisper their  _goodbyes_. "You can't ignore me forever." Jasper's voice cracked from lack of use. She only spoke to Steven and at rare cases Peridot, and unfortunately they were almost never around now.

Lapis' jaw opened, but not to say something. She was shocked, scared, overwhelmed to hear her voice again, to engage into a conversation with her. Her blue eyes were still widened, and in some genuine blinks she triggered some tears, watering her eyes before they fell.

 _Don't cry. Don't give her that pleasure_.

"They tell me it's only best if I stay away from you. But I won't." with her hand still locked behind Lapis, her huge muscled arm serving as a no-escape wall, Lapis felt trapped-- but for some reason she knew the Quartz would not lay a finger on her. Why?-- because if she was adviced to stay away from her she would only be closer.

"I can't." Jasper continued. She sealed her lips and hoped to receive at least an insult, but Lapis was speechless. "And don't try to say you didn't miss me." She didn't sound cocky or sarcastic in the slightest. The ocean gem understood her. "-because I missed you with all the strengths I could possibly have." her raspy and deep voice began to gain it's strength and healthiness.

Jasper narrowed her eyes, but Lapis' features stayed exactly the same. The Quartz gave up and knew she would not be able to get words out of her mouth. At least not tonight, but hopefully in the time where the gems would be busy fixing the electricity far from the barn.


	2. Who's the monster now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis wakes up to an unpleasant "surprise". 
> 
> Chapter song: Worst in me- Julia Michaels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I am more than a month late but I was going through my worst phase of anxiety. I had writers block and just had a difficult month. 
> 
> Sorry if this chapter seems short or "incomplete" but I hope you peeps can trust me until I get the hang of it again.
> 
> Also.. Tell me if I should do other ships or do a story of my own. Tell me what you think ♡
> 
> P.S: Attempted rape, slight cursing.

The darkness of the night deserved a quiet night's sleep, but when your head is becoming a storm it is malicious to try and fall into slumber. So to try and keep her sanity, she sat up from her hammock and told herself to quit looking at the ceiling as though it were going to comfort her. Steven however, was peacefully snoring inside his sleeping bag in a corner far from her.

The night was cold and only two weak lamps were positioned in random parts of the barn. Dim and almost useless. Her blue and freezing feet touched the ground and took her toward a lamp that was positioned strangely close to the square exit. She leaned down and took it by the handle, lifting it up to her shoulder level.

Squinting her eyes she noticed her crops moving around. It surely must be dear pumpkin messing around, but it was dangerous to leave him outside, and more if it's spooky dark like that. Stepping outside. She shivered when a breeze embraced her and caressed her slim arms and exposed stomach.

"Pumpkin.." she whisper-shouted into the silence of the night. Right after her call the crops moved once again, slightly startling her small blue self. "Pumpkin..g-get over here." 

Pumpkin sure moved around but did not follow her order. The living vegetable created the impression that he was playing around, knocking over the corn and not caring for how much effort it took to make it look like this.

Funny how you can break so easily what's been difficult to build. Not good. Not healthy. And suddenly four turquoise colored eyes popped open before her, but thankfully it was just an illusion. 

Heart thumping but not as loud as before, she fully exited the barn and convinced herself to take a closer look. Toes curling at the sensation of the raspy and cold grass underneath her, making a slow ascendant shiver start from her bottom to her top. Thickened movements that made her feet drag on the floor, and suddenly she found herself malfunctioning as a whole.

Her fingers abruptly turned weak, knees shaking as though she were doing it on purpose. Lapis ran her bony fingers through her blue locks and built enough courage to check out the simplest of occurring events-- despise her trembling body. 

Her arm hooked in a swift motion to get some tall crops out of her way while the other tried to hold up the two-hundred pound lamp. When the cause of the strange sounds and movements appeared to her sight, all she could thank for is not going the extra mile of being more human-like and shapeshifting a stomach. Because if she did, all of the content from inside would have plunged out of her mouth and onto the floor in nasty puddles.

All it took was to see the tips of her platinum white mane to make her heart break into pieces. Her scent hit her right after the view, but she smelled like the crimson red of malice.

She could hear some dry heaving, but also some trouble in chewing and disgustingly loud and wet gulps. And under that was the low cries of an innocent specimen, no energy left inside to cry out more for help. Just the type of cry of one accepting what is coming.

Lapis froze. Her skirt floated in the air with the small breezes now and then. Just the sound of the silent night, hair-raising chewing, and her gagging breath. The ocean gem hesitated in each take of air, she just wanted to be shattered every moment she would spend even a few feet away from the big corrupted Quartz.

She wanted to be shattered right then.

It was when the Quartz turned her head to spit out some orange substance onto the ground that Lapis let out a gasp. Still not noticing the ocean gem's presence, Jasper keeps chewing on her victim, biting out pieces of it's small body and not even intending on swallowing. With a genuine turn, in her hands was the remainings of what used to be Lapis' first and only pet. It's guts sprawled all over Jasper's big & meaty hands. His veins swinging between her fat fingers like her hammock. The Quartz's full and beautiful lips were now the grave of the creation Steven had gifted her. With no doubt she could see one of his little legs between one of the warrior's fangs.

Repulsive.

The juices were spread all over the floor and all over her mouth and cheeks. She panted like an animal, staring at her own hands wide eyed and mouth crooked displaying the blood bath in her teeth.

Her skinny knees hit the ground. The lamp fell in slow motion and the glass broke, catching Jasper's attention almost immediately. Lapis gripped the soaked dirt and rocked herself, face of pain and repulsion, all she could think of was to kill the gem in front of her.

But she couldn't. 

Even if Jasper kills all of her remaining friends, she'd still miss her the same. And for that she hates herself. Hates that the bitch just ate her pumpkin like a hungry animal. The striped criminal had her embraced with arms full of unhealthy love, and all just because she shared her body with her for a couple of months. But for Lapis it was so much more than that.

She remembered her conversation with the Quartz back inside the ship.

"Pumpkin..?" his name was just her voice crack.

Jasper did not know what to say. She had been having this feeling for killing something alive with her own teeth, to taste the anatomy of the creature but never digest it. No. Never allow it to enter her body.

She tried to tell Peridot, but the gem wouldn't listen. She would treat the Quartz like an autistic fourteen year old that just needed some discipline from someone as big as her. Like a kid Peridot would ask Garnet to tell the warrior to shut the hell up, and like a mother with a favorite child Garnet did exactly as so.

Jasper hasn't been having it easy. She is left out of the group, treated like a stray dog that so happens to live with them, not spoken to unless she initiates a conversation or Steven is feeling kind enough to spread some chalks besides her and color on the floor. It is not the life a Quartz should be living.

But she's still corrupted. Not completely, but the danger still lingers. And like a tool that is only used once in a while she is treated, and maybe for the emotional pain she's been feeling, her instinct was to gut out a poor baby pumpkin with her own warrior teeth.

However, she never knew it was Lapis' pet.

"W-Was it yours?" Jasper asked before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, only to smear more pumpkin juice over her face.

Her face looked disgusting. Poor pumpkin was stuck between her teeth and fat lips, and somehow Lapis could still hear the cries of their poor innocent pet. Probably the second thing she loved most in this miserable planet.--His green root was buried in the ground right in front of the bigger gem. 

Lapis still did not say anything, just picked up pieces of solid orange skin and body parts from the ground. By the second her sanity drained from her body.

"You're.." Jasper's heart hastened when she heard the blue's voice for the first time in a while. "YOU'RE SICK!" her voice sounded awfully strained, was more like a cry for help than an insult toward the Quartz.

Jasper just stood there, making Lapis angrier by the second. Come what may, the ocean gem managed to conquest her weak knees and pushed herself up in a sloppy attempt.

"I'm sorry I-..I didn't know.. I-"

"SHUT UP!" with a motion of the ocean gem's hand the humid dirt underneath them suddenly became dry when the water from below surfaced and followed Lapis' orders. As if throwing a rope toward Jasper, the water became thin and strong. It chased the Quartz's stubby neck and wrapped around it with no mercy. And like in scary videos found on the depths of the internet, Jasper's body twitched and eventually convulsed, shocked by the sudden lack of oxygen.

 The gem's choking sounds made Lapis' spine vibrate with delight. A sudden orgasm passed through her body, mouth agape and cheeks blushing at the sight of the Quartz looking like a choking dog.

Jasper dropped to the floor. Lapis' fist was still up in the air as if holding up the rope and squeezing her neck shut. Her big meaty hands reached for the thing blocking her airway, gasping and failing at it tragically. Bright yellow eyes rolled behind their skull, walking closer to the edge of passing out but somehow Jasper was stronger than that. Lingering about a little longer, the ocean gem found herself stressing over the Quartz's endurance; so she decided to strengthen the grip around her neck as if there was no tomorrow to look forward to.

Her heart, once quickly beating, was slowing in tempo-- face turning to a sickening color. The choking sounds became lower in their volume, but they were still vividly audible. The blue's mouth was still agape as if her most secretive and intimate places were being touched in the most kindest ways. She watched as her rolling eyes lost their life, and smartly she went loosening the grip around her neck. Allowing her body to pass out but not disappear in a cloud with privilege.

The warrior's cheek slammed on the dirt underneath them, smearing some of the dead pumpkin's juices on her forehead and long bangs. The water unbound from Lapis' commands and it fell like waterfall around the Quartz's neck, wetting her only baby hairs inside her big luminous mane.

Seeing her body laying out like that made her spine shake in a small orgasm. Horns sticking out from her head and smaller ones from her biceps and shoulders made Lapis sigh in longing. She approached her giant body and knelt besides her, picking her arm and surprised herself by being able to flip her over. Jasper's big and elegant breast bounced with the momentum of her movement ,obvious cleavage showing over her tight suit that two tiny blue hands squeezed with no hesitation. She fondled them and stared at them in awe.

"Oh, Jasper.." Lapis sighed, voice lost in the cold night. "You're so beautiful." she felt remorse in herself when she allowed her mouth to say those words. Although Jasper could not hear her- at least she hoped she couldn't- she realized just how she felt for the monster underneath her.

Her cheeks were still flushed with a faint purple color, lips turned chapped in an instant and it was like she had a dead body underneath her. Fortunately she was just passed out and would wake up soon.

Why did she do it? She does not know, but she feels like it was the only thing that she thought of in that instant. Her head was not working properly, so she only thought of cutting the oxygen from her-- to her luck Jasper had gone the extra mile in her form, if not that attempt would have been just a sad failure.

She brushed her long bangs out of her forehead. Her blue eyes were caught in awe obliging the warrior's distant lips. Apart enough to show that her usual fangs were longer and a tooth from her bottom row was not forgetful to join such appearance. Surely this was not the Jasper she had known for a long time, but it was not that far. The Quartz was still the Quartz she is, only she is corrupted, and because of that she is how she is. For that she found herself accepting her past apology.

Pumpkin was not that important anyway. It was only a pet that Steven created anyways, so Peridot and Lapis' hard work was in vain. It did not matter. Not anymore. Pumpkin's gone and Steven could make another. 

It is the corruption, not Jasper.

One of her small hands traveled down to admire her uniform's texture under her fingertips. Some sort of leather that was suffocated by very toned abs. She knew Quartz were big ,strong, muscular and undoubtedly just beautiful-- but Jasper was something else. Her hair seemed to be bigger and more voluminous than others of her kind. She was the perfect Quartz, the perfect cut of gem, simply flawless. But even a diamond is not impeccable. Malachite colored horns poked out of her body, but they were placed so correctly. 

"Wow.." Lapis sighed in longing as she still acknowledged the bulky body right underneath her. Jasper was still passed out yet the intimacy between her legs bawled for attention. Not really, however the ocean gem thought it was loud and clear so she allowed her hand to slip a bit lower than her navel. She could feel something soft and fluffy, supposing it was her batch of hair shielding her precious jewel. She gasped at that and looked up at Jasper, luckily she was still unconscious and unaware of the happening events. But something inside Lapis said she needed to go slower, regardless if Jasper would have let her do this or not.

She retrieved her hand from the Quartz's forbidden area back to her big and beautiful breast. Unlike herself, Jasper had chests that could barely be tamed by her tight uniform, her own blue ones were small and almost formed the physique of a male chest. Hell, even Peridot had much bigger boobs than her. Maybe someday if she has the opportunity to alter her body without straining it with shape-shifting she will enlarge her breast size. It'll come in handy some day.  
 Still. She refocused on the big and squishy spheres the warrior had, and just by the touch her whole body felt as if a flame was slowly burning. Legs twitched as she pulled down on the edge of her tight uniform. Haltingly tugging on the fabric, teasing herself with the slow reveal of her orange and stripped skin, her mouth slightly watered.

"I wish you were awake." Lapis whispered whilst she bit her lip sensually. Pulling herself toward her slumbered face, on the way, she felt a splurge of hot air. Suddenly, Jasper's thick lips separated a tad more to allow some newborn air to enter her lungs. Unfortunately she did not get to kiss her nor to uncover her beautiful chests, being that the warrior woke up with a giant blush upon her cheeks.

"W-What are you doing?" her voice was weak and strained. A small cough fit followed that and the realization of a sore throat. Lapis went wide eyed. Jasper sounded like her usual tone.. aggressive and intimidating. The ocean gem wondered if she felt like her usual self again.

"Ehem..?" Lapis was caught starring in awe in realization that the old Jasper was coming into the light. The arrogant and cocky one that made her melt. Cocky, arrogant, but when vulnerable simply beautiful. The blue gem shook her head and looked down at her own hands that were still holding onto the edge of her uniform with intention of tugging it and revealing her.

She stumbled and sat besides her with a thump. Jasper pushed herself up with her elbows and held her head, that for some strange reason started aching.

"What happened?" The warrior groaned, her uniform low enough that if she stretched a little bit more maybe her breast would just pop off. Lapis tried to remain calm, but her heart raised in tempo the more she stared at the pebbled skin underneath the tight and annoying uniform. She hated that she felt like this, just wanted to shake this feeling off and go back to hating her. But how could she? It's written on the walls. She could never hate her, she is just furious with her.

"You ate our pumpkin.." The ocean gem breathed deeply. Jasper looked down at the floor where a gooey substance was spilled, then accidentally glancing at herself, noticing that her uniform was wet and it was causing her nipples to harden. A faint blush under her eyes appeared whilst she settled her uniform so her breast would not spill out of it. "I hated that little flee anyway." The Quartz sounded childish once again as she wiped some dirt off her thighs and pushed herself up to stand firm. The ocean gem stared from below.

Wide shoulders, straight waist, wider than wide hips, just all of her form was simply perfect. It was evident that she was the perfect Quartz. Physically. "You sound like you don't remember what you did." Lapis voice was almost silent, but still present to Jasper's hearing.

"Oh shut up, Lazuli. Aren't you supposed to be watching over retarded Rose?" She rolled her bright yellow eyes and kept dusting her stomach. She pivoted on her heel and walked away from the crime scene.

Jasper really doesn't remember anything. Maybe she could use this to her advantage. The ocean gem spread her wings and caught up to the Quartz, she landed and paced faster than the opposite gem to arrive first to the barn. As usual, only Steven was there, curled up in his sleeping bag and holding a stuffed animal- though she does not remember him holding such object she decided to ignore it and walk back to her hammock. Still disappointed that Pumpkin was dead but more relieved that the warrior does not remember the past events.

Once she sat on her hammock she glued her eyes on Jasper, who walked in and seemed uncomfortable entering the place. She took a deep breath and put the first foot in, then the other. The ocean gem observed how she slowly walked to the opposite corner of the barn and started twirling like a dog, finding a comfy spot until she finally sat down and rested her head against the wall.

______________ 


End file.
